I can't stop drowning in a pool of self-pity. I don't understand why I do this to myself. I listen to depressing songs consecutively, it brings me down soo much. I feel like crying, but in all honesty... I have nothing to cry about. I guess I just feel a little deprived of some lovin! I guess I feel a little neglected. Then again, it could just be because Beyonce's new video makes me want to cry everytime I watch it. Its so depressing how high my insecurity level is.
Love me, Hate me, please Help me.
P.S.
I'm the MF queen of costume creating. :] I pulled all of my scarves/shawls from previous dances and I'm going to be an arabian dancer kinda :] wdup hoes? :]
October 29, 2008
October 14, 2008
&it has recently occured to me
That being an adult really does take alot of effort and time. I realize now that there isn't enough time in one day to do all you can. I always thought my parents were lazy or just straight up horrible at time managament, but now that I'm in college... its just to hard to cover all the bases. I can feel myself aging, no more all nighters and still having energy at the end of the day. No more bending down w/out having my knees hurt, and the funny part about this whole blog is that I make myself out to sound like I'm in my mid thirties when I've barely passed 18.5.
On a lighter note, I'm really enjoying the whole college experience. Dorming, meal plans, living in l.a., just everything about it is pretty cool. It's nice depending on me myself and only I for the 5 out of the 7 days a week. Though I haven't exactly talked to my parents nor put any effort into calling them to tell them how I've been, I actually find myself missing them at the end of the day... not really but I start to miss them whenever we seperate.
I feel like a child and yet I feel like I'm so old. I guess its just when you compare yourself to different parties. This whole thing is getting a little too complicated for my liking, and I have lab in twenty minutes so I won't go into complex details.
The past two-three nights I haven't been sleeping well due to my odd imagination. It screws me over and tricks me into thinking that I'm somehow being watched, that some supernatural being is just following me and forcing me to stay up. Whatever.
This friday is the homecoming game and as of right now I'm crossing my fingers hoping that I still fit into my cheer uniform because I'm not going to lie, I've been gaining weight. I don't have time to work out, and I guess I'm trying to compensate for that by eating healthy but nontheless I'm unable to maintain a certain weight or well lose weight because in all honesty all I do is eat and sit to study.
Speaking of eating, last night Jocelyn, Sam, and myself decided to take a trip to yoshinoya. Though the setting or the actual store was a little ont he sketchy side, we were able to enjoy a nice bowl of meat and rice. I have fucking lab so i'll blog later <3
On a lighter note, I'm really enjoying the whole college experience. Dorming, meal plans, living in l.a., just everything about it is pretty cool. It's nice depending on me myself and only I for the 5 out of the 7 days a week. Though I haven't exactly talked to my parents nor put any effort into calling them to tell them how I've been, I actually find myself missing them at the end of the day... not really but I start to miss them whenever we seperate.
I feel like a child and yet I feel like I'm so old. I guess its just when you compare yourself to different parties. This whole thing is getting a little too complicated for my liking, and I have lab in twenty minutes so I won't go into complex details.
The past two-three nights I haven't been sleeping well due to my odd imagination. It screws me over and tricks me into thinking that I'm somehow being watched, that some supernatural being is just following me and forcing me to stay up. Whatever.
This friday is the homecoming game and as of right now I'm crossing my fingers hoping that I still fit into my cheer uniform because I'm not going to lie, I've been gaining weight. I don't have time to work out, and I guess I'm trying to compensate for that by eating healthy but nontheless I'm unable to maintain a certain weight or well lose weight because in all honesty all I do is eat and sit to study.
Speaking of eating, last night Jocelyn, Sam, and myself decided to take a trip to yoshinoya. Though the setting or the actual store was a little ont he sketchy side, we were able to enjoy a nice bowl of meat and rice. I have fucking lab so i'll blog later <3
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