alot alot alot alot... NOT

Nothing Better - The Postal Service

"Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over..."

honestly what the hell is this shit? here I am again day what? 3? I feel so pathetic, I feel so... I really don't know but I just want to stop feeling because of you. I thought I was fine, I thought I cleaned my plate and went in for a new entree... I guess not and I guess my assumptions lead me to the wrong place. I feel so hopeless, so useless, and pathetic. If I were to listen to a song right now... besides the postal service and their sappy yet emotionally correct songs... it would be Jaded. Whatever, I'm not regressing back to sophomore year, but I just don't understand why the hell I'm still hurt. I really just want it all to be OVER.

another day

with sustainable sunlight and the slight breeze in my hair.

another day that leads me to your page
another day where i'm left somewhat puzzled
another day where i try to think about other things, cloud my thoughts and try to focus on my life now

truth is, is that its inevitable to forget the past completely. its difficult and almost impossible to truly forgive and forget and move on. so here i am, left in my dorm room inbetween classes blogging because it bugged me THAT much that i still look at your facebook even though youre worth little to nothing to me. the more i say you don't mean anything and the more i want to push you out of my life, i cant find the will power to do so. why? i guess you played that large of a role and... i cant help but think about my last three years. im strong, i know. i dont have feelings for you, i know... i'm just so... i dont know. i guess no matter how much i try to act nonchalant about it, my ego still hurts, i still try to compensate and look my prettiest because i feel that... i'll never be good enough for anyone. i hate thinking about past occurances, and how badly i hurt... but i just cant help it. maybe you were my first "love" and maybe i can tell myself that to make me feel better and say that all the phases im going through right now are just because im still in slight recovery. i want to tell you that i hate you still... just because i know that im still not over it, or actually i am. i'm just not over the fact that someone i thought had morals would do that. i see my friends left and right getting hurt and go through the same circumstances ive gone through, and i put up a front telling them "hey... it all gets better eventually". yes... eventually it gets better, and i'm just going to keep telling myself that until this eventually disappears and i can say "its better".

so another day with the leaves swaying left and right. Another day with my makeup scattered over my dorm floor. another day where i admit that i'm utterly disappointed in myself and my weak points...

lets make life a little interesting

Im sitting down at the dmv waiting for my number to be called, and im very convinced that the people who work here definitely hate their job, and if they don't... im hating it for them. I guess the wait isn't so bad, as long as I ignore this little girl and her annoying whistle, 10 bucks says that someone is going to tell her to shut up because I feel like everyone here is having a bad day and the whistle is only making situations worse.

The lady sitting next to me had a hat on and its been 10 minutes since they've called the last number; they definitely need to get more workers. During my pensive moment here at the dmv office I've realized that technology has gone pretty far in the past decade. What made me come to this conclusion? Well... im blogging while waiting for my number to be called and I think that's a pretty big deal. The little gir and her big round eyes are staring at me. Im going to guess that she wants to play with my phone and I still have 10 more numbers till they call mine. The man that sat next to me still has a hint of cigarette smoke floating around him, it tickles my nose and makes me want to sneeze. (: my dad said I wouldn't be out till lunch time, I really hope he's wrong because I kinda want to go and workout because everyone and their mom goes to the gym.

The sad part about that hyperbole is that in this case... its not a hyperbole, I really see everyone and their mom. I just want to lose weight already. Maybe ill bring my china slim tea to the gym.

Sometimes when I see little kids, I think about how cute mine will be and get happy, but right now I just can't stand them because this girl just keeps looking at me. Im such a bitter old kid. Whatever! I have 5 more people in front of me thank god. No more track smoke or senile perfume, my nose is injured! Aha just kidding, OMG BODY ODOR TO THE MAX. I really need to get some body spray up in here! Ahaha well I guess ill end this sorry blog right here. Okay bye!

(: i looove, love that thing you do!

& i cant keep my eyes, my mind off you!
i'm infatuated (: & your my baby


blahblahblah day one of spring break, you started off dull. I'm a little disappointed but whatever I think I'm getting a new camera today and maybe a new phone? hopefully I can persuade daddy dearest to get me one because my phone is so kawawa on the real! i'll probably get a standard phone because i cant trust myself with all this expensive flashy shit because i always end up dropping them and break it ):. as of right now i've been trying to set goals for myself, but to be completely honest I'm not pulling through with any of them, nor am i trying my best to achieve them. so much for motivation and determination. [example 1, I'm tryna lose weight] but i'm so down for some chili cheese fries or pho! aha kawawa freals! whatever <3 take me to the park and lets check out the stars or lets go ice skating or i really dont know but i hope i enjoy break and just relax. (: i guess ill get ready know because im visiting my halohalo cuties today cus im not going to see them at MCN yeeee