another day

with sustainable sunlight and the slight breeze in my hair.

another day that leads me to your page
another day where i'm left somewhat puzzled
another day where i try to think about other things, cloud my thoughts and try to focus on my life now

truth is, is that its inevitable to forget the past completely. its difficult and almost impossible to truly forgive and forget and move on. so here i am, left in my dorm room inbetween classes blogging because it bugged me THAT much that i still look at your facebook even though youre worth little to nothing to me. the more i say you don't mean anything and the more i want to push you out of my life, i cant find the will power to do so. why? i guess you played that large of a role and... i cant help but think about my last three years. im strong, i know. i dont have feelings for you, i know... i'm just so... i dont know. i guess no matter how much i try to act nonchalant about it, my ego still hurts, i still try to compensate and look my prettiest because i feel that... i'll never be good enough for anyone. i hate thinking about past occurances, and how badly i hurt... but i just cant help it. maybe you were my first "love" and maybe i can tell myself that to make me feel better and say that all the phases im going through right now are just because im still in slight recovery. i want to tell you that i hate you still... just because i know that im still not over it, or actually i am. i'm just not over the fact that someone i thought had morals would do that. i see my friends left and right getting hurt and go through the same circumstances ive gone through, and i put up a front telling them "hey... it all gets better eventually". yes... eventually it gets better, and i'm just going to keep telling myself that until this eventually disappears and i can say "its better".

so another day with the leaves swaying left and right. Another day with my makeup scattered over my dorm floor. another day where i admit that i'm utterly disappointed in myself and my weak points...