best i ever had / ego

i'm really getting familiar with my music again. thank god for summer. really... i literally wake up and just lay in bed all day listening to music. i'm over everything really... i just want to be with me, myself, and i. dont take it personal anyone. i dont feel like talking to anyone... really i don't its kinda sad. but whatevas nig.

for once in my life i'm deciding to be selfish because honestly, sometimes we need to cut the bullshit and focus on ourselves (: and honestly... i just need to learn how to love myself, including my imperfections. just need to get over it all and realize i'm a good person, and i'm taking the baby steps to finding that out. and the more i love myself, the more life is enjoyable... i'm happy with my decisions and i just need to really... understand myself.

I MISS ME.

whatever

i just want to lay in bed and pretend i dont have a life. i just dont want to do anything but sleep and not think about anything because honestly as each day goes by, im liking myself less and less. i hate it. i haaaateee it so badly and i hate you. i hate how i still get the sickest like panic attacks by merely knowing that you're within the same area. i hate that i cant stand you nor can i handle the situation maturely [i mean i can, but in all reality its just so hard and tolerating and tryna act like its whatevs really seems impossible that im simply just too lazy to put in that much effort], i hate that i think about you, i hate that i dream about you. i hate that in everyway no matter what... i still look for guys with characteristics similar to yours... i hate it. i hate it all. i just hate you.

12.28

i should be nice and snug in my bed, but i'm not. bad choice of picking tea... because there's caffine and my pills say to reduce my caffine intake. apparently one pill contains the amount of caffine in four cups of coffee. worst part? i dont even get to exercise or utilize the amount of energy given to me. ive spent the past couple of weeks studying, and avoiding the thought of being alone next year. oh well (: its fine i guess. they say that you have to compromise everything that you get in your life... and i will agree that once you gain, you lose. i don't know. life is just one balancing beam... you can't have it all, and i've learned that... the hard way.