irresponsible

irresponsible
unreliable
spontaneous
unstable

there aren't enough adjectives in the human vocabulary to sum up how shitty my parents make me feel. I can't stand the fact that I'm such a hassle, that I honestly don't do anything besides take care of everything I must and in the end I'm just another responsiblity that they don't want to take care of when I am practically liable for every single fucking thing in my life. I handle so much and I don't the the credit I deserve therefor I am not lying when I say I just can't wait to leave. i can't wait to get away from this insanely dysfunctional family that doesn't know how to handle things. This dysfunctional family that blames me for shit when I really haven't done anything but work. I'm so pissed of I can't stand this right now and I feel really bad because I htink i'd ruining the movie for them. In spite of the moment I don't think I've ever been so disappointed. I really haven't done much, and maybe I am spoiled, its just I don't understand why I'm such a hassle to my parents. It seems the little things I ask for are just too much, even if its as simple as getting picked up to get a ride home. Yesterday I was extremely heated to the fact that my parents never follow through with their plans and they just let it go.

MY PARENTS ARE SO UNREASONABLE
AND IF I NAG ABOUT SOMETHING
ITS WITH IN REASON
ITS BECAUSE ITS PRETTY DAMN IMPORTANT
AND MY PARENTS DON'T REALIZE HOW FUCKING PRACTICAL I AM.
WOW

highschool

end

and I'm not making up some bullshit writing to try to sound somewhat profound, eloquent, or of intellect. In all honesty, I'm really sad. I feel like theres a deep gaping hole just getting deeper as the change the numbers of our senior count down. I feel depressed, I feel nervous, and I feel like time just went to fast and I don't think I've moved on with it. I've regressed, I know it. All the maturing and "accepting" I seemed to have gained over the summer has disappeared. I'm not ready to move on with my life and all of these sappy farewells don't make me feel any better. Closure isn't great, I don't want to feel like a chapter in my life is closing. I don't want to move on to big and better things because really the big and better things are just bundles of responsibility I do not want to deal with. I wanted to leave highschool for the fact that I needed people to clique with. Now that I think deeper into it, I'm not ready to step out of my comfort zone.

WOW. AMAZING. I'M NOT PISSED OFF AT ALL RIGHT NOW.
I SO DO NOT WANT TO BLOW UP AND LEAVE.
I DO THINK LIFE IS FAIR.

YES I FUCKING LOVE LIFE AND ALL OF THE JUSTICE IN IT.
I LOVE WORKING AND NOT GETTING CREDIT FOR IT.
COOOOOOL... FUCK MY PARENTS.

10:58

Eriks in the Grand Canyon so... I'm not waiting for his usual goodnight phone call.

I missed GG, I'm pretty devastated... not gonna lie. Its probably the only thing I look forward to on Monday nights, or Mondays in general.

My rooms clean for the most part, and in all honesty, my room is hardly ever clean. That's sad to say especially since I'm a girl. Not trying to stereotype by gender, but my dad pretty much drilled that into my head since I was a fetus.

My dog fucked up my lamp and now I can't plug it in because she chewed the life out of it. I liked the lamp too. It was so... cheap looking. Haha.

I finally got my I.D. card in the mail, I don't have to carry my dinky passport with me anymore. That was gay :)

PC banquet was today. Good thing I didn't cry. Kudos and a pat on the back to me because I'm one hell of a trooper.

I really have no more words left to say other than my mom said she will miss me. Fuck you guys, I have a great momma :]

question.

so he asked me...
excited for next year?

and usually with this a person responds "yes, I'm quite delighted" minus the delighted part. So there I was sinking into my seat, embarassed that I actually had to consider what I was. Now here I am approximately 4 hours later taking pictures of what I'll miss.


The mirror I have to look at, at least once before I leave my house. Just to make sure my hair is in place, and if it isn't... well then I can fix it!


My teenybopper door covered in magazine pages because it used to be "cool".



My ugly walls filled with God knows what.


My pathetic attempt to paint a "self-portrait". Shut up.


MY tiny flight of stairs that make my knees squeak sometimes :[


I just like how it turned out


My babyyy and jocey and justin too I guess :)


& This is my new love :)
well 4 months new...? haha
She's cute right?

excuse #54582543

I ditched school again
But that's nothing new.

What is new is my recent experiences. I feel like I'm growing up more and more each day. Isn't that cute? But I've realized that the only thing I talk about in these blogs are me changing, realizing, growing, and I don't even know but they're useless... which brings me to the conclusion that this blog is nothing but pure bullshit because I end up going around in a circle all my life.

Think about it, when you blog is because something life altering has occurred, so you write. You then live life and then you realize something else, so you blog. Then life goes on and whatever, you blog. The nyou go back to your previous posts and what not and realize that you've only posted the same shit over 4 times, I mean at least I have. Seriously every single post is all too redundant its sickening.

So I figure I should probably switch it up, the only thing is, is that I'm incapable. I lack the ability to do so. Why? Cause I'm too vanilla, my flavors just a little bland. I'm the cake thats been overdone. Whatever, I used to life writing about my life, now I find it pointless.