babybaby...

Where did my time go? LAtely, I haven't exactly been up to date with the well... date :). Just Monday I noticed that my birthday was coming up. I hope this doesn't happen that often because I like knowing what day it is and how close it is to something so big. Think about it, 18 is a pretty big number, soon that 1 is going to turn into a 3 and that 8 is going to turn into a 5 and I'll realize that I'm OLLLLLLD! My birthday hasn't always been so pleasant, and I'm not exactly sure it will be this year either. The debut doesn't count because its not the actual day. I always have a bad time, always. I remember last year so vividly, I cried because my own family forgot it was my birthday. Usually I receive a warm hug and kiss in the morning (I know, corny and what not but I was actually looking forward to it last year) but it seemed like a regular day. I saw my sister, my mom, and my dad and not one of them said anything but "good morning." Well, I won't make a big deal out of it. For all I know, I may have the wrong date of birth printed on my birth certificate, but lets not get that skeptical!

Currently in my life, I do not have a sixth period. I thought I would look forward to it, I just feel like I have more time to waste doing nothing. Although I disliked cheer, I loved the people in it and it was the only time of the day where we actually talked. I never talk to any of the cheerleaders out of cheer [minus sheen and camille] and its I don't know. I guess we never developed some sort of kinship but hey, I have friends the end.

I have absolutely nothing to say. I watched Schindler's List in Mr. Jo's room and studied with Michael. Unfortunately, I was unable to absorb anything I studied and I'm almost 107% sure I failed yet another Chemistry Test. Screw Chem and their delta signs and what not. When will I ever need to know about a Crystalline Solid? You're correct! never.

I think I'm done. Yeah that's all. I miss Erik though.

who really cares?

It has been brought upon my attention that I have definitely matured too fast. Today we spoke of our flaws or well what have impacted us the most. What disappointed me about my life [although I promised myself I would not regret anything anymore] is that I have truly missed out on my youth. I think I spoke of this in my previous post, as well as feeling committed at such a young age. Things are great with Erik right now, but I'm not exactly sure that things are great between myself and my mental clock. I hate when I come to the realization that life could be better, should be better, and can be better if I want it to be. I should do as I please because someday when I am older, I will regret it.

Forgive me for disreguarding other people's feelings but I believe at the end of the day you have you yourself to live with, not what you put on for others to see. If you enjoy your life the way you live it, then you're living it correctly, but if you fail to enjoy life to the absolute fullest than what the hell are you doing? Throughout my whole highschool career I have stuck to one group "The Philippines" and every year I used to depress myself at the fact that the group kept shrinking in size. At the moment, I'm not exaclty sure that my group of friends share the same interest, not to mention our ability to "clique" ? I love my friends to death and hardly anything can change that even an alteration in my already screwed up head, but sometimes I really do need variety in my life. My friends used to be the only thing constant in my life, but I have also come to realize that everything in my life is constant; I call this "boring." I'm an all too pleasing child, a fairly decent friend, and a "good" girlfriend. No one enjoys drama in their life, but I wish I could just switch things up a bit and add some sort of spice.

So from now on, that is what I'm going to do. This does not mean that I'm going to steal everything in the world. This does not mean I will flirt with every boy out there. This does not mean I'm going to ditch my set of friends that have stuck by me BUT... this does however mean that:

1) I plan to enjoy life
2) do it my way
3) fuck what everyone says, I'm going to do what I want !

I'm almost eighteen meaning I should be the main commander of this whole sad depressing life. I sound like I'm about to start a revolution, in all reality, I think I would call this the start of my actual life. How great right? When highschool is about to end, I have reached the ultimate peak of my quarter life crisis. At least its not too late to have some fun. Spring break is right around the corner, and I'm currently living!

Variety In My Life...

Well in all honesty I've been so stoked to hang out with new people. I find myself looking forward to random hangouts with God knows who and what not. I love galavanting around and finding spontenous things to do. On a dim note, the debut planning is whatever... I dislike the unorganized guest list that my parents have given me to deal with as well as the minimal amount of guests I'm permitted to have just because of capacity issues. Last time I checked, it was my birthday party, not to sound spoiled or not but it truly saddens me that I'll only know about 25% of the people there. Whatever. I wonder if this is how its going to be when I'm married. Last night I spent most of my time with collegewood just because the party was somewhat dull. One day I'm going to get "shitfaced" just so I won't wonder what it feels like. I'm going to go egging/toilet papering before my highschool career is over. So yeah, I spent most of my time with Steven ahah and looking at his phone with his crazy six pack. "It still looks like that, but it could be better..." WHATEVA in my head I was just like oh man I would kill to have a six pack at least he actually has one. I need to lose weight before summer just so I can attend those swimming parties :) yay! That's all for now I guess.