It has been brought upon my attention that I have definitely matured too fast. Today we spoke of our flaws or well what have impacted us the most. What disappointed me about my life [although I promised myself I would not regret anything anymore] is that I have truly missed out on my youth. I think I spoke of this in my previous post, as well as feeling committed at such a young age. Things are great with Erik right now, but I'm not exactly sure that things are great between myself and my mental clock. I hate when I come to the realization that life could be better, should be better, and can be better if I want it to be. I should do as I please because someday when I am older, I will regret it.
Forgive me for disreguarding other people's feelings but I believe at the end of the day you have you yourself to live with, not what you put on for others to see. If you enjoy your life the way you live it, then you're living it correctly, but if you fail to enjoy life to the absolute fullest than what the hell are you doing? Throughout my whole highschool career I have stuck to one group "The Philippines" and every year I used to depress myself at the fact that the group kept shrinking in size. At the moment, I'm not exaclty sure that my group of friends share the same interest, not to mention our ability to "clique" ? I love my friends to death and hardly anything can change that even an alteration in my already screwed up head, but sometimes I really do need variety in my life. My friends used to be the only thing constant in my life, but I have also come to realize that everything in my life is constant; I call this "boring." I'm an all too pleasing child, a fairly decent friend, and a "good" girlfriend. No one enjoys drama in their life, but I wish I could just switch things up a bit and add some sort of spice.
So from now on, that is what I'm going to do. This does not mean that I'm going to steal everything in the world. This does not mean I will flirt with every boy out there. This does not mean I'm going to ditch my set of friends that have stuck by me BUT... this does however mean that:
1) I plan to enjoy life
2) do it my way
3) fuck what everyone says, I'm going to do what I want !
I'm almost eighteen meaning I should be the main commander of this whole sad depressing life. I sound like I'm about to start a revolution, in all reality, I think I would call this the start of my actual life. How great right? When highschool is about to end, I have reached the ultimate peak of my quarter life crisis. At least its not too late to have some fun. Spring break is right around the corner, and I'm currently living!
1 comment:
I do, Comrade Velasquez.
Do it. But sometimes consistency is good. So don't change everything; you might want it back.
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