pensive+contrasting = eyebags

Pensive: deeply or seriously thoughtful

Seriously? Who lies in their bed at 4:20 thinking... ? I gues I'll have to admit that I'm a little dramatic, not good. Well... by the end of today everyone will finally be off of school... meaning... non-stop hangouts forever! Breaks don't count until everyone you want to be on break is on break. Yay for best friend jocelyn and sean, yay for cute christmas decorations, and yay for me being a girl with too much time on her hands.

Contrast: the opposition or dissimilarity of things that are compared.

What makes two people clique, and what makes kinship different than a relationship. Its a little strange how rules of friendship differ from that of a relationship. Its weird how we find ourselves able to continue on with random conversations with say... your guy friend, but it seems remotely difficult to find something that you and your significant other may take interest in.

You find yourself responding differently, one more concerned and the other jokingly... but still concerned. I compared the two and well... it baffles me that I can easily spend an hour taking to sean sonza on the phone if I felt like calling him. Though most of our conversations consist of "I hate you" and "you're the worst" its still a lot more natural than... "so how was your day" blahblahblah. I find myself talking like one of those old geezers that never want their grandchildren to play outside because they don't want them to get hurt.

Then here I find myself thinking deeper... well maybe less. Like im thinking deeper so I can trick myself into not thinking soo much in the future... catch my drift? Im guessing a scraped knee wouldn't hurt too bad, or maybe a bruised arm. I should just let it go.. I mean hey "it builds character" right? I guess what gets me everytime is that... I feel when two people are together, they should clique as friends still and share passion as lovers. I thought that well there wasn't that much of a difference other than well 1. You're definitely more affectionate with and 2. I don't know... I think that was the only difference.

I remember when I built a wall once, and was too afraid to break it. I guess I never broke it... I prolly just chipped off a couple of stones and someone called the contractor to patch it up. I think its back again, I think I've regressed in this aspect of myself and I know im definitely not proud of it. I guess im not really ready for a relationship. I honestly don't think im that mature enough to handle it, or maybe through the whole college transition I've become a little too mature... yknow after seeing the million couples at school. P.S. Boyfriends of the mount girls, stop visiting your girlfriends unexpectedly with a bouquet of pretty pink/red roses. The romantic thing died along with my sensitivity. Jokejokejoke... you guys just make me sad because my boyfriend is 2 hours away. Its cool.

I seriously need more things to fill out my day.

&night