happy!

2009, you're definitely treating me well :D!

I think I've had way more fun in the past four days than I have been having the whole break. I've genuinely happy for myself, being with people I want to be with and just laughing because I feel like laughing and not because I should. Its amazing how quickly I've come to realize that life is honestly too precious and that seriously, every single second counts. There's no reason to be completely miserable and if there is... the guy out there that is worth it won't make you feel miserable.

I can honestly say I am very very pleased with my life right now, im not going to lie, I still get very annoyed very easily. Anyways this is what I have been doing since the 31st.

:] mm...

31: gym w/ justin, stef eff, ralp, steph lim, and meca. Weird cus I never really thought id hang out w/ meca or stef like that ever :] you gain some you lose some. We then wasted the rest of the day at stephs house watching dog whisper and ellen degenerus (sp). Good stuff esp the "underwater see-er" hahahahahha <3. Went home to find my father preparing "new years eve dinner". The food was so delish I couldn't believe it. I then hurried went to meca's and left to party search (even tho we all knew we'd end up at tayors!) we went to DB haha and it was like a hs freshman party ew! Haa then chino and claremont which were both negatives. Ended up at taylors which was chill then went to brian perez's. Beautiful :] I was the only sober one so I was DD in the end. Kinda eff'd up cus I left cameron while he was throwing up! Hahahaha ahh well... better luck next time! Got home, then meca and jocey slept over but came at like 545! Didn't sleep till 615-630 and woke up at like 930 =__=!

1st: meca left and me and jocey just stayed in my room talking. Then my sister made us breakfast :]. Screwed around w/ zaldy about some stuff... but we ended up doing it anyways. So zaldy came over around...12ish-1ish then went to mecas to pick up joceys stuff =/ waited forever! Um... then got food w/ meca. Lol "um... this isn't water... its green!" ahahahaha soo funny! Went to... azers and chilled. "I took the one way ride to happiness" zaldy is too funny :]. Went home and kinda knocked out. I think I talked to seany... but I fell asleep a lot haaha!

2nd: woke up at 1030! Weird huh? Lol :] stayed in bed at told a buncha people to hang w/ me. Picked up michael and went to pho... even tho I agreed to eat pho w/ pun! Had a very delightful lunch together, dropped him off and picked up little pun and went to beb's house to wake her up! Hahaha "don't smell my breath!" omg lol talked till 4... then went to pho.. Again! Haha. After I dropped them off and picked up my coosans for our tripod date. Ended up at our old hangout spot and took a trillion pictures. Then we played mario kart at azzedines then I bolted home cus jocey was on her way. Got ready and went to dannys then cub avalon w/ honestly everyone and their moms :]. AHAAHA some guy I danced w/ or was forced to dance w/ kinda was singing in my ear. Gross man LMAO but it was mosdef a fun night <3. Got home around 4. My mom came in my room and talked to me and told me she was glad I was having fun :]

3rd: woke up at two... :] um...?!? OH YAH went over to the Sand household to pick up my phone. Watched steven's fish w/ derek and cameron for a good 15 minutes... then I guess some old family friends came over so I talked to them. Bugged my sister and we ate pizza! Haha then I picked up deejae and went to seanys! Had a "tim tam slam" so delish! Australia is officially one of my favorite countries haha. Watched the strangers then sat and talked!

Got home and realized that life is good <3
Tomorrow is going to be an adventure too! Mm yay for pho in monterey park, byebye lunches, and bball games in anaheim w/ the bestie!

:]

:] all you need is

Your friends, and activities to keep you busy

<3 and I realize I feel soo much better after talking to all my friends again. All of them, including the ones I had lost before :) it just makes me feel a lot better.

So new years huh?

I guess I've made a couple of resolutions, though I know im not one to follow through with resolutions, I figure I should give it a shot! :]

1.) 4.0 yes? I can do it

2.) Lose weight

3.) Get lighter [idk how, but I will]

4.) Say what's on my mind when I know I should

5.) Just be chill and not think about things sooo much

6.) :] become super hot (courtesy of joseph flores)

7.) Just be an all around better person that people and myself would like to be around :]

So those are my resolutions. They're pretty good right? Hahaha mmm... pho at 12... I feel like I just ate. Ugh I hate eating now man! Hahaha.I think im sick but whatever.

I've been talking to seany everynight for the past week. I really do owe him a lot, I guess I buy him some pie or something.

Oh yesterday we played basketball. Remind me to not play against meca. I nearly died :] haha it was sooo funny <3!

My days are so packed with everything! Gah I love my friends sooooo much. :) they make life worth living. Mm I just don't want to go back to school now because of them. Haha :] ahhh well. What are you going to do? Lols.

Sidenote: I laugh really hard inside about things. And I get really pissed off so easily, so sorry if I pull some bipolar woman on you.

Lastly...
I don't appreciate a lot of things, and I wish people had some sort of decency. They just keep disappointing you in the end, and honestly... I just hope karma bites you really hard in the ass because that was seriously messed up. So serious, I swear id watch out if I were you &if I really do end up right with my little insinuations and assumptions, dude id be superduper pissed, and pack up everything and give it to you... because this last year was full of shit.

Hm 2008, you screwed me over
- my debut was stressfull
- I cried at prom
- parents took pictures of the wrong person at graduation
- I barely passed my science classes
- got into a gripload of arguements
- broke up w/ some dude a lot
- wasted time and money on people who weren't worth it
- gained weight
- lost friends

So 2009 be good to me, please :)

well... I guess you can call it compromise

So what do I do...

I guess when you love a person you go through a whole lot of shit to make it happen that you kinda forget about yourself in the process. So how's it going ladies?

Yes, he reassures you that you're his one and only and he loves you well... "more intensely" than anyone. Yes, he calls you every night to say goodnight, tries to stay up because he feels like he should. Yes, he visits you before he goes home because he knows you want to be seen...

& yes, I know I'm a little out of line when I think about these things, and its all I can really think about when things bug me.

But when you're sitting in your room thinking about how excited he gets when he talks about another girl, you can't help but feel all weird inside. So maybe this is where I go wrong, but you wish you saw him get as excited talking about you than he did her. You wonder if he talks about you as much as he talks about her... [because when he talked to you, she took up almost 75%-95% of the conversation]. You wonder why he isn't as happy as he is with you then he seems to be with her. So in your head you start to assume that maybe you aren't the one for him, or maybe he isn't the one for you.

You long to be that bestfriend that he seriously tells everything to. You see everyone out there and how they always say that well you're my lover and my bestfriend, you can't help but be jealous and wonder why. I find myself sitting again in my room staring at my phone wondering who I'm supposed to talk to... my "boyfriend" or my "best guy friend" and the fact that I am torn inbetween the two kinda worries me.

Maybe I'm over reacting, maybe I'm menstrual, maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed... but its just this lingering problem, and no matter how much I try to "get over it" I can't. It's not that I want to be, and it's not like I'm stubborn, but it's just something that I honestly can't get. I can't grasp why kjfgyliurdhglkj ugh.

I just wonder sometimes if boys realize what they do, and how their actions make their girlfriends feel. I wonder if sometimes they forget that we have emotions and that, yes... we are sensitive. & I wonder why us girls put in so much work and end up getting the shitty end of the stick.

... but maybe I'm just another one of those girls.

pensive+contrasting = eyebags

Pensive: deeply or seriously thoughtful

Seriously? Who lies in their bed at 4:20 thinking... ? I gues I'll have to admit that I'm a little dramatic, not good. Well... by the end of today everyone will finally be off of school... meaning... non-stop hangouts forever! Breaks don't count until everyone you want to be on break is on break. Yay for best friend jocelyn and sean, yay for cute christmas decorations, and yay for me being a girl with too much time on her hands.

Contrast: the opposition or dissimilarity of things that are compared.

What makes two people clique, and what makes kinship different than a relationship. Its a little strange how rules of friendship differ from that of a relationship. Its weird how we find ourselves able to continue on with random conversations with say... your guy friend, but it seems remotely difficult to find something that you and your significant other may take interest in.

You find yourself responding differently, one more concerned and the other jokingly... but still concerned. I compared the two and well... it baffles me that I can easily spend an hour taking to sean sonza on the phone if I felt like calling him. Though most of our conversations consist of "I hate you" and "you're the worst" its still a lot more natural than... "so how was your day" blahblahblah. I find myself talking like one of those old geezers that never want their grandchildren to play outside because they don't want them to get hurt.

Then here I find myself thinking deeper... well maybe less. Like im thinking deeper so I can trick myself into not thinking soo much in the future... catch my drift? Im guessing a scraped knee wouldn't hurt too bad, or maybe a bruised arm. I should just let it go.. I mean hey "it builds character" right? I guess what gets me everytime is that... I feel when two people are together, they should clique as friends still and share passion as lovers. I thought that well there wasn't that much of a difference other than well 1. You're definitely more affectionate with and 2. I don't know... I think that was the only difference.

I remember when I built a wall once, and was too afraid to break it. I guess I never broke it... I prolly just chipped off a couple of stones and someone called the contractor to patch it up. I think its back again, I think I've regressed in this aspect of myself and I know im definitely not proud of it. I guess im not really ready for a relationship. I honestly don't think im that mature enough to handle it, or maybe through the whole college transition I've become a little too mature... yknow after seeing the million couples at school. P.S. Boyfriends of the mount girls, stop visiting your girlfriends unexpectedly with a bouquet of pretty pink/red roses. The romantic thing died along with my sensitivity. Jokejokejoke... you guys just make me sad because my boyfriend is 2 hours away. Its cool.

I seriously need more things to fill out my day.

&night

before i hit the books

i was walking to my dorm today and i notice that i have the tendency to narrarate my life. i act like i'm in a movie, when i'm not. its okay though because well... :) no one hears me but me. everything is written and the sentence structures are so awkward. finals are definitely scaring me, and i don't know whether to cry or to be more motivated... and i understand that i should be motivated.,.. but oh my god is all just so overwhelming. i guess that's all i have to say.

i wish i had more time to write, but since college has started, i feel like i'm so pressed for time... all the time.

happy.

p.s. I love you.

&it all starts

As you're sitting in your car tuning into your preferred radio station, you hear it all happen. The people on the streets wear smiles like they wear their underwear, which is of course, all the time. The houses seem warmer, and the love that radiates off your parents is so abundant, you can't help but giggle inside.

It all just makes me wonder why it can't be like this year round. I don't think we take the time to appreciate everyone. Its a little disheartening to think about how we take everyone for granted. A few friends of mine gathered in a little room, and we realized how much we regret not appreciating what our parents do for us. I thought about how lucky I was to have them, how they pamper me when I come home, and how in the end... I tell them I don't have the time to call them everyday just to say "hello". It disappoints me and makes me feel so dirty inside. I guess I know what my new years resolution is going to be this coming January 1st.

Going off on a tangent, school isn't exactly what I pictured it to be. Yes, I knew it wouldn't be anything like high school and the piece of cake classes, but I also didn't expect it to be so hard that I study excessively to receive a D's & F's. Challenging? Tell me about it. I know I shouldn't compare my burdens and hassles and stresses to the other people and their majors, but I feel... like seriously... I've entered a different world at which its impossible to party. It's impossible to get enough sleep, its impossible to fit any of your oh so treasured leisures into your academically packed life. The midterms pile up, the assignments, and the stress that well... you honestly can't just breathe. I will admit however, that I haven't worked as hard as I should be. I'm working hard, but I know I have the ability to work even harder, to achieve better grades, and I really don't know.

I guess I'll end with
I'm a slacker, and though I feel like I should do more. I don't, and it's disappointing, but I realize now that I appreciate the beauty of things. I appreciate life more... and I love it.