bad mood. pms? no, just bitter.

to the world that never reads this, I really want my period. now.

For some reason, I don't think its PMS anymore... I think I'm just truly disappointed and unsatisfied with my life. I feel like leaving, but not really. I feel like by the time things patch up, I'm not going to be able to enjoy it because well... I'll be gone. My summer has been fairly decent, but as most people say "it could be better". Maybe I have to settle for decent, maybe thats all I deserve right now for acting like a "decent" person. Its true, I'm not reaching out to anyone, and I'm not choosing to confront others, but whatever... I guess. So I decided to write notes on here, without saying who its for exactly so whatever I guess.

It disappoints me how I hint off why I hate boys so much that you don't even notice I'm directing those comments to you. I hate how you said you miss me, but you don't even make an effort to keep in contact with me, so fuck you. The most I've gotten was a dinky myspace comment, woohoo for the finger effort. I guess you're yet another one of those people I knock off of my "best friend" list because you're apparently NOT my best friend anymore. Its so sad, I hope you realize it... better sooner than later. I just really hope you realize it.

I'm leaving too, Aug 25. I'm your friend, or at least I thought I was considered a close friend... now I only feel like an acquaintance so whatever I guess. I'm also very disappointed because I can recall a time you said "I'm so glad I'm not talking to anyone because when I was with so&so I was always with him and I lost all my friends". You made the mistake once, are you really going to make it again? It's a little disheartening when you get really disappointed and I mean I'm there for you but dude it also sucks that you could place us kinda on hold. Why don't I call anymore. It's because I get some excuse for doing something else, and I'm totally fine that you have another life, but damn. I just wish that sometime BEFORE August 25 that you realize why it was unbareably awkward today was because I was sad and frustrated that our friendship is seriously fading away... but fuck it you never reply to my text messages anyways.

&to the one with the millions of excuses when it comes to me. Its no question why I never call you anymore, you apparently don't have time or are just prohibited from hanging out with us/me... so whatever. I used to think we thought somewhat similarly but apparently not. Maybe somewhere down the line after graduation till now, we seriously have split paths. Maybe you're more mature or maybe you just find enjoyment in other things that I find retarded. Maybe we're like magnets that no matter how close we try to get, we repell each other in the end anyways. Maybe I turn everyone else against me, but I always try before I give up.

I'M SO BITTER. FUCK.