&in the end

I realize things fall into the place just fine. These moodswings are just horrible, but its fine. I'm not exactly why I tell you everything. Maybe its because I realize that all I have to do is type what I feel. I can't hurt you in any way shape or form. It's not like you have a soul, so there it is.

Its a little depressing that I've resorted to an online "blogger" to help me pass time and relieve myself of whatever I'm carrying on my chess. Then I figure its better to blow up on something with no feeling than bottle everything up and screw myself over. I've completely lost my train of thought.

When I think about college, I realize I'm ready to move on. I was talking to Jocelyn when I woke up and she told me that her sister said that after highschool you probably only keep one friend. Then after college you keep just a few, one or two who knows? Then we both somewhat just drowned in a pool of stubborness because we didn't want to accept the fact that "it happens".

But as a result, I feel alot better about it because its true. Previous years I used to cry to Erik, you could ask him. I used to be overly depressed over losing friends, but he would always remind me... "there's reasons why they don't make it to your future." Then Sean bluntly said "You know you'll know that if they just disappear than they really weren't your bestfriends" I responded "That sucks" and he's like "I know but thats all".

So I'm ready to move on, I don't think the whole "losing" people will get to me anymore. I've had my four years dosage of it, I'm mildly immune. That makes me sound cold hearted and unfeeling... but maybe I want to take the easy path this time? It's alright, I'll eventually come back I guess.

Here it is again... yet another phase, another day (and I think I've blogged a million posts this month) and I choose to be apathetic. Erik doesn't like me when I don't care, but it's okay because I care when it comes to him. I guess its just that I don't want to give something my all and get fucked up in the end, because... it really does hurt. It's okay, I still have baby boy by my side!

Since I've been looking so forward to college, I've been surfing the interweb looking for cute furniture; customizing a laptop that is great, cute, and affordable! I have 5 weeks, I better make the msot of it.

Corporately speaking, I love my job. It's only been the second day. I'm not going to lie though... the drive-thru pisses the hell out of me. The beeper is so high pitched and everyone is so antsy. Well... I get my schedule tomorrow. I'm going to cross my fingers and hope that I get thursday off because of Justine's Debut. I get paid next week. I have to automatically dump it into my account. I suck with money handling!