so.

I couldn't sleep well last night and I was wondering whether it was because I felt uneasy about what had previously happened or because my back was really itchy. Its unfortunate the way things ended, but they ended nontheless and I'm not about to go and try to fix things. Or maybe it was because I had this incessant fear of waking up to some random phonecall having the person on the other end yell the daylights out of themselves. Its fine I guess, because at the end of the day I realize I'm leaving and if it is going to end... might as well be sooner than later when I grow too attached. I sound very heartless, and at the moment I may as well be heartless. I revisited the thought of move-in day (which I've been doing quite often) except this time, I looked to it with great excitement. Its great to have a fresh start with new people. I have high hopes of learning to love what I'm about to do, because as of right now, I find it rather repulsive :(. I'm still rendering the lines of a previous conversation, and I'm still trying to detest everything stated about me. I guess thats why arguements happen though. Because its very apparent that you and the other person involved in the arguement don't see eye to eye. We clearly didn't though, and apparently I'm supposedly a bad person. Maybe I am, but then again I think about it... and I think about it even more and realize that I don't think I'd want to be associated with a person that says I blame everything on everyone else. It's true though, but I mean if thats what its really about then I guess I'll have to get an attitude adjustment as well as better judgement based upon what I'm doing. Another thing, I don't think I'd like to be associated with a person who takes things incredibly over the top, especially with some random comment about "Joe Jonas" and his inability to attract me. I just find this whole friendship arguement unbarably childish. It is though, and I'm to blame for that. I took the cowards way out of it instead of brought it up like a mature adult that I should be, and IMed her? That really shows alot about my personality. After seeing that it was clearly going to be an arguement, damn. I think I'll write to Mr. Jo about this one because I am really seeking help. Its alright, I'm sure within these next handful of weeks I'll realize what I need to fix. Especially with help from Erik and Sean because they seem to have no problem telling me what I'm doing wrong. Though I hate that they're right and I try to deny it, I probably won't next time the subject rolls around. I just don't want another dead friendship, and if I can avoid it by making myself a better friend and altogether better person, I will.